If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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