In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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