garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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