I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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