When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I party with great urgency now.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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