...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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