I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
