my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
