just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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