respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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