don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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