it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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