What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
