You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
