Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
