Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Drake has all the answers
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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