is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Mom said you looked used
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
