Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
