last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize