For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
