well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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