I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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