So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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