Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
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