I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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