Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
