The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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