I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
