if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
