I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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