My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
