I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
