Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
