So drunk its hurt
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
