You just made me feel so damn special
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
