Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
