He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
