I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
