i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
