Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
