How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Randomize
