operation harelip BJ is a go
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I wear drunk well.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
