Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
