R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
