I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He did a backflip because drugs
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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