I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The Olympian is in my bed
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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