He uses pillows to masturbate.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
