if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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