Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
