not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
