I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
