I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
