thus making me awesome and them whores
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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