Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
