Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
