Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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