You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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