just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
