That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
