Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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