I faked an abortion last night.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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