her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize