I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
