Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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