I need help removing her.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
