Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
