Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize