Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize