dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
