Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
