Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
