Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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