This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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