she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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