I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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