I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize