i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So many bounce houses so little time
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize