i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
