i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
