Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize