Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
