Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
