At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
