I skipped work to stalk him.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
