I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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