We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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