You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
