I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
