filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
