$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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