ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
