I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My breasts were aching with rage.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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