he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
