AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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