Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
