Its about making memories worth repressing
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
