my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
