my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
