My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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