My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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