rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
