don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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