If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize