I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize