Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
