Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize
