it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
