I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
