Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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