I could have mohawked her pubes.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
